Weak
by Naisho
Summary: Hao and some of his thoughts about the past, the present, the future, Yoh and himself "Hao-centric::ONE-SHOT"


This is just one stupid fic because I felt like it. I've been thinking about this for a while (though it originally was my version of Hao's past) and just got the urge to type it down ^_^;;

Mainly, this is just a character exploration so if you guys would ever care to review (for this fic, I BEG YOU to do so) please tell me how OOC it is. This is just put up to get a better grasp of Hao's chara (and to get myself in a writing mood or in other words, break down that writer's block _hopefully_ ;P) or rather, this is just my perception of him; always misunderstood, poor li'l Hao…

Still, flames are welcomed.

Disclaimer: Shaman King is owned by Hiroyuki Takei.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WEAK 

By: Naisho

They had turned their backs on me as had been with every meeting we had. No, I mean that _literally_.

For every single time I had a meeting with my chosen shamans, it had always ended up with them turning their backs on me – to carry out the orders I have given to them, of course – but…I was always left alone in the darkness.

None of them would understand me. None of them can.

Opacho's there though but I know that a kid would not understand me, might even see me weak as is the innocence within him.

I had always been alone and I kinda got used to it but somehow I still hoped that someone would understand me without a need of words. No, not someone; I hoped that _Yoh_ would understand…maybe… that's why I had always looked after him. And, since he is my other self, he _should_ understand.

But he didn't.

I should have known that since he _is_ my reflection – which they all believe to be my complete opposite – he would certainly have situations far different than mine.

We're like – no, _they_ believe us to be like left and right; fire and water; light and dark; north and south. Funny, if they see us as north and south, then we would certainly be meant to be together and nobody can fight this inevitable force. Yet, if you see us to oppose each other in power as to be south _and_ south, then, though we repel each other, we are the same.

I bet the itako would curse me for thinking of this logic.

They all believe that Yoh's that different from me…but he isn't. Who knows this more than his other _and_ better half?

Yoh…is the weakness within me. He is my weakness that I had willed to disappear from my soul. That must be the reason why I am split in two right now; I had hated my weakness. It was curse. It had caused my sorrow, my anger, my hatred, my fall.

Yet now, I can't bring myself to hate the flesh and blood of this accursed thing.

Maybe because I had found it amusing to see this _weakness_ struggle with life as I had once when I had been him. Maybe…ha…it's always maybe. I'm supposed to be all-powerful, all knowing but I find myself _thinking_ of possibilities instead of _knowing_ the truth.

I know that the reason things turned out this way is because Yoh didn't have a darker side – he didn't have me – so he saw only light. I know he had a reason to hate humanity like I have. I've been watching him for a long time.

Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm so fond of him.

Speaking of watching him, up until now I have. He must know that but I'm glad he doesn't mind.

Or maybe he just wants me to envy him. Yeah, right. That's a laugh. He doesn't have a soul to do that.

But despite the fact that he wouldn't, I still feel that so-called human trait known as _envy_. I admit I envy him. He had the friends I never had; the family I never had; the situations, the joy. Especially here in the present, I never had those, not in the present, but in the past…

Humans took those away. And it was weakness, which made that happen; it was weakness that was hated, crushed, abused and caused all that was.

From one thousand years ago, I had learned that humans seek for weakness within a person and they use it to scratch people they cannot slash. Hmph. Humans are pathetic. They strive to use things with great power but they know little of what they do or what consequences await them. And with that simple scratch, they dug a whole deeper than any existing in the world – filled with poison stronger than any known.

That was why I hated humanity and that was why I wanted to get the Seirei no Ou.

I know my power is not ultimate; I know it can be destroyed and I know who has the ability to do so, needless to say who. But, with the Seirei no Ou, this weakness can be filled in and deleted.

Then I will not be weak. No one can see me weak. None will.

 And once that strength is in my hands, humanity shall receive the punishment they all deserve!

But that is far, quite far, a little. And the road towards that dream is dark, dangerous, demented; I am prepared to face all that. Since the loss of my weakness, I was prepared for that. It wasn't the path that I had feared though. It was the travel through it; I was to be alone; I was meant to be so from the very start. But then…

Would it hurt so much as to want someone to hold through that solitary road?

If kami would not want to grant this wish of mine, then it is I who shall make this be true. And, who else better to drag into this mess that my little mirror, my otouto?

It was fun. When Yoh was caught by my hook, with him came loads of others. He was like a magnet; able to attract anybody; be it friend or foe, it created the best moments of my life. I was actually _alive_.

Come to think of it, I wanted my weakness to vanish yet here I am, wanting his company. It's ironic. It always is in this paradox world.

The sun is rising* and fate is to be foretold. The end of the road is near; my grip should be released by now. But one shall always be an exception.

Yoh.

I will not let him go. I will keep him and return him from his source. Then none will be able to stop me for I would have had no equal by then.

And, if Yoh, the Yoh everyone loved, is existing within me, then they should do just the same…for me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

* symbolism _only_, okay? Coz that might be mistaken for something literal but then it ain't my fault if you can't differentiate it. If you guys still can't see the others, tell me then I'll mark 'em.

I repeat again, this is ONE-SHOT; again, ONE-SHOT. I just feel a little awkward and irritated when somebody suddenly says: "I'll be waiting for the continuation" or something like that.

Well, this wasn't meant to be shounen-ai (and that certainly includes yaoi) and it ain't one, mind you, _which means_ that everything he says there has nothing to do with _that_. You know what I mean -_-

Oh, if you're wondering why I use south instead of north…uh…well…I live somewhere in S.E. Asia???? Uh…I like the Seiryu (FY)???? I hate heights???? I dunno, catchier maybe.

Sorry if use weakness too much (or if I sound too redundant) and sorry if Hao's thoughts are unorganized  and if it's a little vague ^_^;; and, sorry if you the story's setting is totally unknown (I think so…). And I also neglected all the actions so you guys have to let your imagination go wild and figure out the actions XD

Anyhow, please review, flame, whatever about anything whatsoever but please focus on the OOC-ness. Maybe if I get in the mood, I'll make something for Yoh and Anna each.

And, also, this might get longer (and better if this has a chance or something)…one day…someday…but surely (this doesn't mean that I'll be posting up a new chap -_-)


End file.
